Time to Think

I have been off from the Center for 7 days now so I've had a lot of time to think about what I'm trying to accomplish with this "adventure" and what my next step would be.  The short answer is that I am still unsure and that I am simply trying to follow my heart where it leads me.  Boy, if only that were as easy as it sounds!!  I have friends and family that are so excited and proud of what I am doing and others that are more concerned that I have lost my mind completely - and both groups have been pretty vocal.  I don't expect everyone to understand what I'm doing (especially when I'm not 100% sure myself!) but I honestly believe that I am on the right track.....after a lot of detours......

Even when I was a small child, I loved animals.  I had dolls and Barbies, but my favorite toys were always my stuffed animals-they all had names and personalities and it was a big ordeal for me to decide who got to go on which family trips with me (I didn't want to show favoritism!).  I loved lots of books but my favorites all had animals as main characters-The Secret of NIMH, Timmy the Mouse and the Miss Bianca series (i.e. The Rescuers), etc.  My family had pets too, of course - hamsters, gerbils, guinea pigs, cats, dogs, a parakeet and even a small snake that my brother caught named Speedy.  I began donating to the Humane Society of the United States when I was around 8 or 9 years old.  As a donor, I received newsletters that told of the work that they were doing and the stories of the animals that they had rescued.....eventually my dad began filtering my mail and throwing these newsletters away before I could read them since my heart broke with each horrifying example that I read of the cruelty that humans can inflict.  I began receiving Ranger Rick magazines from the National Wildlife Federation, which were much more suitable for children my age but were no less informative.  I was probably one of the only 12 year old girls in Tuscaloosa that wanted to be a zoologist and by 15, I had my whole college career mapped out and knew that one day I would save the world.

Somewhere between my junior year in high school and graduating college, I completely lost myself.  I became more interested in impressing people with my intelligence, potential for business and financial success and how much beer I could drink while still making A's on exams.  I spent more time with my friends and whichever boy had caught my eye than planning my future.  Maybe I didn't really lose myself as much as I just indulged another side of my personality during that time since I did thoroughly enjoy myself and had a fantastic time but it resulted in graduating with an Accounting degree from UA and a job offer with one of the largest and most prestigious CPA firms in the world. 

After a couple of years in the "real world" (i.e. working behind a computer all day and paying my own bills), I could once again see my purpose and began to try and make it fit by volunteering while still keeping my accounting job.  I started by volunteering at the Alabama Wildlife Rehabilitation Center for several years and, when I moved across town, took on rescuing and fostering domestic animals (mostly dogs) along with planning events and fundraisers for local charities.  But I still knew in my heart that I wasn't where I belonged.  I was trying to be responsible by staying in the business world, buying a house, contributing to charities and my 401(k) but the truth is that I was never really happy.  Even working for the largest environmental conservation group in the world wasn't enough for me, since I was still sitting behind a desk and not in the middle of the action.  I don't really regret any of these choices since they have all made me who I am today - I learned a lot about business and people in general and have found some of the most amazing friends that anyone could ever have.  But I was always searching for that moment when I would have the courage and opportunity to step forward toward my true passion.

And that brings us to tonight......sitting in a hotel room, away from my home, pets, friends and family - and yet still the happiest that I have been in a lot of years.  I know without question that I am where I belong right at this moment.  And that's a pretty phenomenal feeling.  I have no idea what to expect in a month, much less a year, but I believe that God has greater plans for me than what I have accomplished to this point.  So, tomorrow morning I will wake up at 6 a.m. and spend 10-12 hours caring for injured and oiled birds, while smiling the biggest smile you can imagine.